Ligature

Sometimes violence can save your life.
I could not deny this potency
That druid-danced with yours;
I had to use a steel tool (my silver savior)
To cut out the gift of my fertility.
I knew that I could nourish them all
With my breasts,
Spark after spark would kindle
Making me a prisoner
Forever
Bringing in more of you;
More of you in every son or daughter’s
Milky eye.
It was everything I could do
To take care of the three of you.

That little god whom you served
Had found its oracle in me.
The mouth of my womb
Only spoke the language of you
And it had to stop.
Your sister’s schizophrenia and slashing of wrists,
Or your mother’s unknown heritage
Might come through;
But mostly it was you
That terrified me
And the things you would do
I couldn’t let continue.
So I made an agreement with two rubber bands
A simple procedure was all it took to stop you.

But there was a permanent price I paid
To stop those seeds.
My eggs still come hopeful
And get stranded in mid-stream
Dissolving like little sugar cubes with potential.
And perhaps there is an old wound
I won’t admit to;
A dream that says
My rescue technique was overdone
Or too extreme.
But I am released.
I use another passage
Through which to birth my newborn heart.
I gave up a power that was mine
In exchange for that which only speaks of me:
Sparkling
Luminous
Fiery-jeweled
Free.

Victoria Rubley is a poet living near Weaverville. More of her work can be found at http://victoriarubley.gather.com/