loving your body to health and fitness:
chapter four
by byron ballard

Parts—Loving the Total

I was in high school when I first heard about the “Hottentot Venus”. She was an African woman of the Khoisan people named Sarah (Saartjie) Baartman. Baartman was abducted in 1810, and exhibited in England and France to great acclaim. Barbara Chase-Riboud did careful research and has written a sensitive and enraging book called The Hottentot Venus, that I was fortunate to read as I was working this program. Baartman came back into public consciousness when her remains were finally returned to her African homeland in 2002, where she was finally buried in her native land after nearly 200 years in Europe.

Baartman was known for her extremely large buttocks and hips—a condition called steatopygia—and she was exhibited with other freaks and curiosities to take advantage of the voracious European tastes for oddities. You will appreciate the delicious irony of a culture that forced its women into corsets and butt-enhancing bustles, and paid good money to ogle, torment and brutalize an African woman who had these accouterments naturally. Baartman died at the age of 25 in France and her body was dissected by Napolean’s pet surgeon. Her brain, genitals and articulated skeleton were exhibited in France until 1985.

She was victimized for nearly two centuries, but she and her big behind were my high school heroes. In that long ago time, we didn’t know much about Baartman—I didn’t even know her name until Chase-Riboud’s book. I had no idea of her origins or her degradation or her eventual death in Paris. All I knew was that she had a protruding butt, just like me. Well, to be honest, I never was quite so well-endowed, but it certainly felt that way to me sometimes. I was just another freak.

As an Anglo-Celt woman spectacularly endowed in the cheeks department, I felt a deep kinship with the Venus. I lugged this pointed posterior around at the back of my body no matter what I did. Diet and exercise didn’t seem to faze it—my top and legs would get smaller but my hips were undeterred.

So what’s your “big butt”? Is it fat thighs or crooked teeth? Is it big feet or thick ankles? Male-pattern baldness? What’s that part that makes you cringe to think of it—much less look at it? “You would be such a pretty girl/handsome guy, if only you...”—what fills in that blank for you?

Deal with it right now. Yeah, it’s painful, but it’s been painful all these years and we’re going to deal with it right here, right now. Once and for all.

We’re going to begin with a guided meditation and I will be your guide into the labyrinth of parts. Remember, it’s a labyrinth, not a maze. We will follow the path to the center and retrace ourselves until we reach the outer boundaries again. No way to get lost. This is a pop-quiz in which all sincere answers are the right ones.

Guided meditations are best experienced when you give yourself plenty of time to go through the process and plenty of time to process the experience at the end. So pick a time when you have an hour—yes, a whole hour—to devote to the exercise.

Put on something comfortable—sweat pants or a caftan or absolutely buck-naked, if that’s comfortable for you. Find a place in your home where you can be undisturbed for the time of your meditation. For some of you this will be the hardest thing to manage. Can you invest in one hour to begin to undo the self-hate and loathing you’ve felt your whole life? Yes, I think you can. Give yourself the gift of this time, listen to the deep sexy voice of your own self. Re-member all those beloved and okay and dreadful parts that make up the wonderful machine that is you.

Go to the bathroom and squeeze out every last drop. I have learned from personal experience that journeying cannot successfully take place with your bladder full. Turn on the answering machine, turn off your cell phone. Put the dog and cats in another room or outside. Light some incense if that puts you in a proper frame of mind.
Put on some soothing music—whether New Age instrumentals or Led Zeppelin—background music that won’t distract you from the journey but will give you a subliminal sense of well-being and safety. And now we will boldly go across the wine dark seas.

Lie on the floor in a comfortable position. For most folks, that means on your back, with possibly a small pillow under your head. If you are easily chilled or doing this exercise in cold weather, you might want a blanket on your legs or nearby. Put your hands on your belly and breathe deeply, feeling your belly rise and fall with each breath. Concentrate on the breathing and close your eyes.

Imagine yourself lying on thick grass in a warm and sunny meadow. Dark clouds come across the sky and block the rays of the sun on your body. Starting with your feet, imagine the clouds uncovering the light of the sun and the warm light falls on your body, working its way up from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. Be specific and take your time,wiggle each part as the warmth and light strike it.

Like this—the sunlight touches your big, flat feet. You breathe in, wiggling your toes. You breathe in the beauty and warmth of the sun into this part of your body. As the light warms your feet, see their beauty, their utility, their strength. Flex those babies, feel the power.

When you have loved and appreciated and breathed your way into harmony with a particular part, let the sun shine on the next part. Yoo-hoo, thick ankles! It’s me—the person you carry around all day long. Let the breathing support you as the light and warmth travel up your body. Rotate your ankles, flex your calves, bend your knobby knees, pat the jiggly flesh on your juicy thighs. Work your way, slowly and inexorably up your strong, beautiful, passionate frame until you arrive at your face.

Now, take your hands away from your diaphragm and rub them briskly together until they are warm from friction. Place your warm hands over your face and breathe deeply. Feel the warmth seeping into your face, into your muscles and bones and right into your sparkling and marvelous brain. Move the hands to the top of your head and imagine the warmth and light illuminating your entire body and all of its parts. With light touching every part of you, re-member yourself into the whole animal that you are. Let the light shine out from you, giving you a golden halo that encompasses all of you. All of you. Complete. Beautiful.

Seven is a powerful number in many cultures and we’re going to hitch on to its power for this exercise. Every day for seven days, give yourself the gift of 10 minutes in your day to do this exercise. If it helps you to record it and let it talk you through, do that.
At the end of the seven days, give yourself a naming ritual. Light a candle at your altar, write your new name on a piece of paper, make yourself the gift of this whole self.

It may be the most valuable and important gift you have ever received.

Byron Ballard is an Asheville native, a playwright, a Witch (and a Wiccan priestess!) and a mom. When she’s not exercising and making endless large bowls of salad, she also enjoys hiking, gardening and traveling. She is one of the partners in Ancient Journeys and sings with the Greenwood Consort. Whew! She also works with a gaggle of gentlefolk at Accent on Books.
[ ballard@ceres-wnc.org ]