it is better to receive
by althea gonzalez

Today the Universe, great philosophers and I come bearing gifts, for the Bible says it is more blessed to give than to receive. Yet I humbly beg to disagree with the Great Book. Is it really more blessed to give?

I certainly enjoy receiving. Don’t you? Don’t you love showing off the gifts you receive for birthdays and holidays? Aren’t you proud of the ring your sweetheart gave you or the drawing your child presents you with great ceremony? As Carolyn Wells once said, “Advice is one of the few things it is far more blessed to give than to receive.” She’s nailed that one! For everything else it’s better to be on the receiving end. Right?

Everyone loves to receive. Or do they?

It is often hard to receive. Many of us have been raised to be independent: never ask for anything; never depend on anyone else’s generosity. Even though we’re told not to look a gift horse in the mouth, we often look for reasons behind the gift, looking for cavities in those teeth. Emerson said, “We do not quite forgive a giver. The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten.”

Perhaps some of you know the story, Gift of the Magi by O Henry. A young couple had very little money. They each wanted to get the other a very special gift for Christmas. And they each had something that was precious to them. She had beautiful, long hair that was admired by all. He had a valuable watch that had been his father’s and his father’s before him. To obtain a handsome chain for his beautiful watch, she cut off her gorgeous, long hair and sold it. He sold his most precious watch to buy her a wonderful comb to adorn her beautiful hair. This story tells us of the sacrifices of great giving. But also of the frustrations of giving…because neither gift could be properly received.

(The fun part for me in this story is that her hair would grow back, but his watch was gone for good! Hah! Ain’t it good to be a woman? Oh, Henry!)

So, have you felt the frustration of giving a gift that was refused? Have you ever given someone a compliment and the person dismissed it or was embarrassed? Have you ever given a gift that you could tell fell short of your friend’s expectations and left you feeling like the incompetent shopper?

Emerson says, “[S]he is a good [woman], who can receive a gift well. We are normally either glad or sorry at a gift, and both emotions are unbecoming. The gift, to be true, must be the flowing of the giver unto me, correspondent to my flowing unto [her].”

One of my greatest teachings last year came from the story of Faith. Faith is the four-year old daughter of one of my co-workers. On Christmas Eve, Faith was gathered with her mother, father, and two family friends. In a moment of quiet, she took each person by the hand and had them sit in a circle. She then took one of her beloved CD’s and cued it up to her favorite song. As the song played, she looked meaningfully into each person’s eyes, holding their gaze for several moments before proceeding to the next person. It was a great gift she gave them, but it was an even greater gift they gave her. Because they received what she offered, without embarrassment, without laughter, just with open hearts and calm gazes. They received her love and her message…and all were blessed.

Menninger said, “Love cures people, the ones who receive love and the ones who give it, too.”

So what about all these lessons in receiving. Well, armed with my lessons from Faith, my New Year’s resolution for 2003 was to receive gratefully, gracefully and openly all that life has to give, all that my friends and family offer, all that I am capable of allowing into myself. I was going to be a worthy steward of the Universe’s gifts. Well, you know what happens when you open the door to the Universe? EVERYTHING!

In late January I received the loving support of friends and family (in advice, finances, food and housing) to separate from my husband and create a new life for myself. I received a fractured finger in March from my dog, Buddha, teaching me to set good boundaries as well as forcing me to accept help from friends and physicians. (Gosh, I thought Buddha was a gentle teacher!)

In May the Universe gave me the opportunity to smash into a cement column (courtesy of another great dog, Molly). Who let the dog out? Who? WHO? WHO? I received mild, but painful whiplash that urgently reminded me that it was time to take care of my body. Amazingly, a special offer from a wonderful caregiver, Tom Whittington, was in my mailbox RIGHT after that accident! Wow, the Universe sure is good at this!

I have been given the privilege of joining the Asheville Buncombe Community Relations Council, the joy of writing an article for WNC Woman, the excitement of directing a few numbers for Womansong, the once-in-a-lifetime thrill of appearing in the Vagina Monologues…and the list goes on. Receiving is a many-splendored thing!

And so I offer this gift to you, the same gift that Faith gave her family… in the hopes that you will receive it openly and bless us both in the exchange.

The words come from the beautiful song written by Libby Roderick:

How can anyone ever tell you, you are anything less than beautiful?
How can anyone ever tell you, you are less than whole?
How can anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you’re connected to my soul.