Patty's Crush
by lisa horak

My friend and neighbor Patty is in the throes of a mid-life crisis. Now don’t for a minute worry about her; she’s fine. In fact she’s better than fine. She has a crush on a younger man and it is serious.

Well, not that serious because the crush is on Josh Groban, a curly-headed 23-year old singer whose rich tenor has put classical music on the pop charts and has women of all ages swarming his concerts. But let me tell you about Patty, because this is the greatest mid-life crisis story I’ve ever heard.

First, for the record, this is a fine, upstanding, happily married woman with two young girls, not anyone I’d ever suspect of harboring a passionate love for an unattainable young thing. It began innocently enough, she explains. “It was three years ago, in the fall of 2001, and I was coming home from work one day and turned on the radio and heard this incredible voice. It was in the middle of his song “To Where You Are” and I thought to myself, ‘Who is that?’ I immediately fell in love with his voice.”

At first she was just intrigued, just another new fan who bought his CD, checked out his Web site, and joined his fan club. As for his looks, “they’re not bad either, but for me it’s all about his voice,” says Patty. “And he is a good person. He has a steady girlfriend and his parents come to his concerts, which makes him even nicer, especially compared to the other sleazy teenybopper heartthrobs popular today.”

So Patty is smitten, big time. She even has a life-size cardboard cut-out of Josh in her foyer, which she ostensibly got for her daughter (yeah, right!) for Christmas. “I have never been like this with a singer,” says Patty, as giddy as a teenager in love for the first time. When I was a kid I loved Shaun Cassidy and then Rick Springfield, but this is different…”

Like any starry-eyed girl, Patty would do just about anything to see her idol. This summer she had the chance. She went to Bristow, VA, outside of Washington, DC, to see Josh in concert. She went alone, but met up with a gaggle of other groupies whom she had chatted with on fan web sites. Somehow, through these like-minded cyber pals, most of whom are also middle-aged, Patty scored a ticket in the first row. This was huge.

Now friends, harken back to your old crushes. Maybe it was Elvis, Donny Osmond, or one of the Beatles. Mine was Andy Gibb. I had posters on every available inch of wall space in my bedroom, and if I’d ever had the chance to get an arm’s length away from him, I don’t know what I’d have done.

But Patty knew exactly what she had to do. She had to get him to notice her. Specifically, she had to give him something to remember her by. She decided to knit him a scarf, because even though it was summer Josh is apparently a year-round scarf wearer whose sense of fashion obviously exceeds his common sense, given how hot it is onstage under all those bright lights. Patty stayed up all night knitting a luscious, gray scarf in the softest possible wool. Nothing but the best for the man of her dreams.

The concert was fabulous, her seat was amazing, and then came the do-or-die moment: getting the scarf to him without getting arrested. As Josh’s final song ended Patty stood on her tippy toes and handed it up to him onstage…and he took it! And put it on! And said thank you (Such manners! Such a nice boy!). And came back out for an encore wearing it. Patty took pictures of him sporting her creation, which she sent to him to be autographed, and which he promptly sent back.

Okay, it gets even better. In his hot-off-the-press video for his new single, “Remember When It Rained,” Josh is actually wearing Patty’s scarf in footage from a Colorado concert. I’ve seen it and it really, truly is her scarf!

For Patty this is all a dream come true. What did it feel like to connect with him for that brief and shining moment? “There are no words. It was just amazing. It was meant to be,” she says.

Meant to be, huh? Perhaps you are wondering what Patty’s husband Robb, thinks of his wife’s crush. “He humors me,” she says. True enough. Robb appears to be only playfully miffed by the whole thing. “She’s never made ME a scarf!” he exclaims. Clearly he does not feel threatened by Josh Groban. This is definitely a sign of a secure alpha male.

But her husband’s easy-going attitude is precisely why this is the best kind of mid-life crisis: because it is harmless and fun and no one is going to get hurt or go broke. I mean, it’s not like she went out and bought a Porsche, you know? It’s not the by-product of a depression or a crisis or a questioning of choices made long ago. It’s not like she’d ever leave her family for The Josh, as she calls him. And besides, how wonderful to get to feel 16 again….and then resume her current, rich, very blessed life.

So now dear Patty is the envy of all the other “Grobanites” and is known as the “Scarf Lady,” among her cyber peers. She’s got the photos to document her moment of glory. Most important she has the memories of a lifetime.

“My life is almost complete,” says Patty. “Now instead of a cardboard cut-out I just need to have the real Josh in my house thanking me personally for the scarf.”

Like any starry-eyed girl, Patty would do just about anything to see her idol. This summer she had the chance. She went to Bristow, VA, outside of Washington, DC, to see Josh in concert. She went alone, but met up with a gaggle of other groupies whom she had chatted with on fan web sites. Somehow, through these like-minded cyber pals, most of whom are also middle-aged, Patty scored a ticket in the first row. This was huge.

Now friends, harken back to your old crushes. Maybe it was Elvis, Donny Osmond, or one of the Beatles. Mine was Andy Gibb. I had posters on every available inch of wall space in my bedroom, and if I’d ever had the chance to get an arm’s length away from him, I don’t know what I’d have done.

But Patty knew exactly what she had to do. She had to get him to notice her. Specifically, she had to give him something to remember her by. She decided to knit him a scarf, because even though it was summer Josh is apparently a year-round scarf wearer whose sense of fashion obviously exceeds his common sense, given how hot it is onstage under all those bright lights. Patty stayed up all night knitting a luscious, gray scarf in the softest possible wool. Nothing but the best for the man of her dreams.

The concert was fabulous, her seat was amazing, and then came the do-or-die moment: getting the scarf to him without getting arrested. As Josh’s final song ended Patty stood on her tippy toes and handed it up to him onstage…and he took it! And put it on! And said thank you (Such manners! Such a nice boy!). And came back out for an encore wearing it. Patty took pictures of him sporting her creation, which she sent to him to be autographed, and which he promptly sent back.

Okay, it gets even better. In his hot-off-the-press video for his new single, “Remember When It Rained,” Josh is actually wearing Patty’s scarf in footage from a Colorado concert. I’ve seen it and it really, truly is her scarf!

For Patty this is all a dream come true. What did it feel like to connect with him for that brief and shining moment? “There are no words. It was just amazing. It was meant to be,” she says.

Meant to be, huh? Perhaps you are wondering what Patty’s husband Robb, thinks of his wife’s crush. “He humors me,” she says. True enough. Robb appears to be only playfully miffed by the whole thing. “She’s never made ME a scarf!” he exclaims. Clearly he does not feel threatened by Josh Groban. This is definitely a sign of a secure alpha male.

But her husband’s easy-going attitude is precisely why this is the best kind of mid-life crisis: because it is harmless and fun and no one is going to get hurt or go broke. I mean, it’s not like she went out and bought a Porsche, you know? It’s not the by-product of a depression or a crisis or a questioning of choices made long ago. It’s not like she’d ever leave her family for The Josh, as she calls him. And besides, how wonderful to get to feel 16 again….and then resume her current, rich, very blessed life.

So now dear Patty is the envy of all the other “Grobanites” and is known as the “Scarf Lady,” among her cyber peers. She’s got the photos to document her moment of glory. Most important she has the memories of a lifetime.

“My life is almost complete,” says Patty. “Now instead of a cardboard cut-out I just need to have the real Josh in my house thanking me personally for the scarf.”

Lisa Horak lives in south Asheville with her husband and two daughters, Molly and Isabel. In her spare time she hikes, volunteers in classrooms, and dreams of writing children’s books.