funny, isn't it?
by jeanne charters

Ah, it's "sweet November" once again. Why does November always seem sweet—and a little melancholy—I wonder?

Perhaps it's the nostalgia of watching the final leaves of summer and autumn swirl and dance to the waiting earth. Perhaps it's observing the passing of another year with all its joys and challenges as it approaches its final days. Perhaps it's the memories of Thanksgivings past and the heightened excitement of the approaching Holiday season. Whatever the reason, November is sweet and a little sad to me.

Funny, isn't it, how hard it is to believe that another year is nearly past...a year that can never be repeated nor replicated? And yet, this is a good time to sit back with a blanket on our laps and a cup of tea on our tables and remember... Want to join me?

It was a November in the 1950's...I was 18 years old and walking across the campus of Ohio University. The air was fresh and crisp and the leaves were crunching under my feet. I was free! First time away from home and family...first time being truly responsible for choices...first time knowing that if I didn't do the laundry, I'd go to class in dirty underwear. First time not caring if my underwear was dirty. Who would know? Yippee...perfect little Jeanne Hackett is wearing dirty underwear! What a pleasure this new freedom! And how easily given up...

Before the end of the 1950's, I joyously surrendered that freedom. When it was close to another November, I married at 20. "What the hell were you thinking?" you might ask. No excuses...that's what we did in those days, and I frankly didn't have the chutzpah or brains or confidence to buck the trend. Smart? Nope. Regrets? Absolutely not. I might have had a swell career as a journalist in New York City, but I would not have had the 4 daughters who are today my greatest source of pride and strength.
In another November, 18 years after the marriage, I got my freedom again; and it was not a time for celebration. It was a time for great sadness...the first divorce ever in my family. Yes, oh yes, November with all its crunch and color can be bittersweet.
But let's not be sad right now...we're reminiscing, remember?

I spent two Novembers being 8 months pregnant and waiting for December births. In spite of all the cozy images we have of pregnancy, that just wasn't much fun...especially with other babies underfoot demanding attention.

In many Novembers, Ed and I would pack up the car and the girls and head back to Ohio for dinner with Grandma & Grandpa. We drove from Chicago or New Jersey or Albany, 4 growing and competitive little females piled into the back seat making games of "She touched me, mommy!" As we drove by bridges and mountains, I asked them to make up stories about how this bridge or that mountain got its name. We wove fabulous tales of Indians and maidens and lovers and dragons as we wended our way back to the Thanksgiving feast.

Those Novembers brought huge turkeys cooked all night long stuffed with the plain bread and butter dressing that my mother made magical...pumpkin and mincemeat pies that could take the blue ribbon at any county fair and mashed potatoes swimming in rich brown turkey gravy. That was the plus side.

On that table, there was also something called escalloped oysters, an expensive and once-a-year delicacy that my mother treated with all the reverence of the national debt. I honestly don't think anybody really liked them, but traditions are traditions and out they would come from the oven...crispy and smelly for each Thanksgiving feast. Another gustatory yuck was my Aunt Norah's sweet potatoes covered with marshmallows. This dish was universally disliked by all but Aunt Norah, I think, but had to be there year after year. Tradition is tradition, after all. Those yams might just be the single sweet thing on earth that I truly do not like.

Remembering the taste of those sweet potatoes gives me a sugar rush and jolts me to the present...a time when I do not have to eat anything I don't like...ever. Again, freedom! Again, gratitude.

Seems to me that November and freedom and gratitude go hand in glove, so let's see...what am I grateful for this November of 2004? Since I'm writing this before the election, I don't know if I can be grateful for its outcome. If November 2 turned sour, I will offer prayer for my country in lieu of gratitude.

Whatever happens, I am grateful for a lovely second marriage, 4 grown and honorable daughters, 2 wonderful sons-in-law and 10 grandkids.
I am grateful to again have a faith in God and for St. Eugene's Catholic Church which helps me to nourish that faith.
I am grateful for a successful hip surgery in September which took me out of pain for the first time since that car accident 8 years ago. I am grateful for surgeon Paul Saenger, wonderful care at Mission St. Joseph Hospital and a recovery that my Physical Therapist calls "phenomenal".

I am grateful to Matt for his help through this physical crisis. When it came to cooking and housework, Martha Stewart could rest easy in her cell. But he tried, God love him. And he never made me feel old...even when I was tottering around on a walker. I love you for that, Matt.

I am grateful for neighbors who walked my dog when I could no longer take the pain; sat with Matt during my surgery; prepared food for our return home; and generally, let us know what the word "neighbor" is meant to be.

I am grateful for the friends who supported me during this time...Marie and Nancy and Addi and Sister Anita and Nancy and Linda and Scott and Vera and Gail and Tricia and David and Linda and Barry and Robin and Monika and Chris and Bob and dear Mary Harmon from the hospital and Julie and Sandi from this magazine and so many others...more friends after 3 years in Asheville than I had after 20 years in Albany.

I am grateful to have this forum to write my musings and grateful to you who are reading them at this moment. I wish I could meet you. I think we might be friends.Perhaps you are taking a moment right now to consider the things for which you are grateful this year? I hope that they are bountiful.

Jeanne Charters is a former V.P. of Marketing for Viacom Television. She started her own award-winning broadcast advertising agency in 1990. Jeanne lives in Fairview with her husband, Matt Restivo. [ charmkt@juno.com; 828-628-0023 ]