practical spirituality
by annaleah atkinson

a column dedicated to help others live the highest, most peaceful and joyous lives they can imagine for themselves and others, by applying spiritual truth to their every day lives.

love yourself

No woman has ever won a Pulitzer Peace prize for keeping her children from killing each other, a Grammy for singing sweet lullabies to a cranky baby, or an Oscar for acting as if everything was all right in a crisis when you really want to cry and run to YOUR mommy. So I earnestly hope that you are in the habit of loving yourselves, and patting yourselves on the back. Know that every time you respond with love, you make the world a better place for all of us.

Women everywhere, I salute you. I honor you, and I am thankful for the times that when challenged, you listen to your hearts that say, "I love you and want you to be happy," rather than to your mind's limited perception of how tough your life is. The first response will energize you. The second one will make you tired. That could also be stated as, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22) Do some observations on your own. Perhaps you may get to your email messages one night, quite tired, but there is a wonderful note from a loved one, and you perk right up! Your love for that person gives you plenty of energy for a reply.

Love is an incredible force which gives energy beyond that which can be measured by the mind's limitations. Here's an example. At 41 I was breastfeeding my baby three times a night, and still waking up to my older daughter's night wakings. I would hear the baby cry, and pry myself out of my nice warm bed, wondering how long I could keep it up. Then I would see that precious little face looking up at me, and be flooded with love and energy enough to coo, cuddle, and nurse her into peaceful oblivion. I admit, sometimes I also entered peaceful oblivion and would wake up later with her still in my arms. But we were both blessed by the experience. Love energizes and extends. I didn't realize until later that I received her love as much as she received mine.

The world's great spiritual leaders have always guided us to be loving. This is for our own benefit as well as others'. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." The second was "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matt. 22: 37, 39) He added the second because it was so very important. We remember the "love your neighbor part", but what about loving ourselves? Are we really supposed to do that? I know I was raised that it is better to give than to receive. How do we love ourselves, but also give more than receive? The answer lies in the nature of love, and who we truly are.

We are a part of a vast whole of love expressing itself. God is love. God is our parent. Parents reproduce their own kind. Therefore WE ARE LOVE. When we remember who we are, we are loving. It is natural for us to love. And we have an unlimited supply of it! When we do something loving for someone, and it comes from the heart and not from the mind (the heart says "I want to...", the mind says, "I should do...") we won't feel depleted, we'll feel better. I have never personally known of anyone who ever ran out of love. The more you give it out, the better you feel, and the more beings there are that are likely to send some of it back to you. By loving others, I am loving myself. It is healing, and wonderful and practical to love myself and others.

Affirmations help us train our minds. We can say every day. "I am love. I love God and All of Its creation. I love myself. I am a means by which even more love may be expressed in this world." It becomes an underlying purpose for all that we do. Sometimes we have to make split second choices, and we can quickly measure our choices by it: Does this serve my purpose of expressing more love in the world? Does this make me feel connected to LOVE? Because every time we do a truly loving thing, we are loving ourselves as well.

And when we blow it, as we will sometimes, we can think, "Well now I've learned that this doesn't work the way I thought it would." We can do what we can to correct the error in our judgment. We can use the incredibly powerful magic words, "I'm sorry. I've made a mistake and I don't intend for this to ever happen again." and get on with it. Most people are incredibly forgiving if they believe that you are truly sorry, and won't do it again. I have facilitated mediations and have learned the truth of this. It also will help us feel better if there is something tangible we can do to remedy the situation. And we mustn't commit to more than we can reasonably do.

Dumping lavish amounts of guilt on myself only festers the wound, and depresses the immune system. It doesn't actually accomplish anything, after its first few minutes of signaling to us that we've made a mistake, and are sorry for it. It is certainly not loving to ourselves. It's also not loving to ourselves to be manipulated by guilt. Do something because your heart wants to, not because you "should".

Learn to say "no" lovingly. This was BIG for me. I had a belief that if I said no to someone, they would think that I didn't love them. I actually had to practice saying "no". Now I can say comfortably, "I really admire your project, and think you are wonderful, but I just can't find the time to help you now." Learn to gently speak what you are saying to yourself about how you feel. It is honest and responsible to yourself and others. This takes practice, and we will explore it next time when we discuss getting to win-win situations.

May your days be filled with love, peace and joy.

© 2002 Annaleah Atkinson

Annaleah Atkinson, M. Ed., is a mother and grandmother, an interfaith minister who assists others in their spiritual reawakening, is on the board of the Asheville Mediation Center, a co-steward of Spirit Haven, a spiritual retreat center near Asheville, NC., and author of "To Call Every Woman a Sister".To reach her, or learn more about Spirit Haven visit spirithaven.net