resumé

Well, we double dog dared y'all to rise to the challenge of responding to Kelle Olwyler's resumé with your own. Traci Beattie did, and it is a doozy. Here goes:

Traci Beattie

Raised in Canton, NC. Able to communicate equally well with farmers and yogis.

I am an avid explorer of waterfalls, nightclubs, and couch crevices.

A fence-jumper by nature. High energy around lunchtime.

Knows how to get the job done, doesn't mind blaming PMS for lack of production.

Not only am I able to relate to locals, I AM one.

Dependable. Independent to a fault (ask my husband).

A few of my background experiences:

Waiting tables in high heels
Catering commercial shoots at 4:00am while smiling
Driving an 18-wheeler across country
Installing snow chains on said 18-wheeler
Typing 65 wpm (while surfing E-Bay)
Playing drums in a rock and roll band
Dancing naked around a bonfire
Making punk fashion out of Hefty bags

I have dealt successfully with:

uppity movie producers	smelly hippies	aging car salesmen
starving artists	screaming children	toothless relatives
homesick truck drivers	relentless bill collectors	drunken bar patrons
pouting husbands	clueless supervisers	self-important activists
grouchy doctors	impatient patients

I have slept 10 on an area rug, whipped up dinner for 20 on a moment's notice, held cars together with chewing gum, and cured everything under the sun with apple cider vinegar.

Able to withstand hot flashes, menstrual cramps, and crabby co-workers.
I am normally clear-thinking (don't ask my husband).

My goal is to get back into my size 10's, embrace change, bring home a decent wage, and to try to enjoy the ride.