planting seeds of change
by bob carpenter

Like most people I am often asked, “So what do you do for a living?” When I am in a playful mood and in a comfortable place I will often respond by saying, “I’m a farmer”.

This catches a lot of people by surprise. Generally the questions that follow sound like, “So, are you certified organic?”

“Well, not really and as a matter of fact I don’t even have any land” is often my response. Once I detect an honest look of confusion, I give a more accurate answer that indicates that I am the Community Education Coordinator at OUR VOICE, the local rape crisis center. But saying that I’m a farmer is far from being a lie, in fact it is the most accurate description of what I do. My daily job is to plant seeds. In this case I’m not planting fruits, vegetables, or flowers but rather the seeds of change. I share many of the same concerns as farmers everywhere. Did I plant the seeds just right? Will they receive the necessary allotment of sun and rain to allow these seeds to flourish? What do I prune so that the rest of the plant may grow strong and healthy? And finally, will I ever reap the rewards of this harvest? You see, creating social change is not a lot different then the digging, planting, and tending required by farmers everywhere.

For the most part, my job dictates that these seeds of change are planted in 9th grade health classes across Buncombe and Madison Counties. My primary focus is to work with these students to help them understand both the frequency and seriousness of sexual violence. It is when I work with the 9th grade boy’s classes that I become a real agent for social change. My philosophical foundation is solid and based on my experience in the anti-sexual violence field for the past 6 years.

It is the males in our society who can prevent rape and sexual assault. While it is true that both males and females are victims of this type of violence, the overwhelming majority of perpetrators are male. Clearly, to prevent sexual violence in our community we must be working with the males.

Often, when I walk into a classroom to talk to young men about this subject they are surprised to see a man. Their surprise is natural. There are very few men who are willing to speak out against male violence. Many of the boys are curious as to why I do this work. I start each presentation by telling the students about a personal experience I had when a former girlfriend disclosed her assault to me. I share my own feelings of confusion, fear, and helplessness that led to me volunteering at the Rape Crisis Center. I go on to tell the young men that this is only part of the reason I do this work. My other motivation is much more selfish. I refuse to live in and accept a society where women as a whole cannot afford to trust men.

In the three hours I spend with each 9th grade health class, we explore the ideas of what it means to be a man in our society. Is the contemporary definition of masculinity detrimental toward women and children? Are there ways to have power without making others powerless? How might redefining masculinity be advantageous to men as well as women? These are not easy questions but we must begin the conversation.Sometimes when I leave school for the day, I feel like the farmer who has spent the day on bended knees on top of the drought-stricken earth, trying with all his might to push the seed just under the surface where it may have a chance to cultivate. Other days the soil looks dark and ripe for the nurturing of these seeds of change.

I plant my seeds and leave, often times not knowing if they will take root at all. A couple of years ago I was invited to speak to a class at AB Tech. After the presentation was over, a young man approached me and asked me if I remembered him. He then went on to say that I had come to his class when he was a freshman in high school. He said that what we talked about those two days had really stuck with him. This young man went on to tell me that he was now at AB Tech to pursue a degree in social work. He said he wanted to do this because he too wants to make this world a safer place, just like we had talked about 4 years ago.

After that conversation I went and sat in my car where I shed many tears of joy. Maybe, just maybe, I will get to see more seeds come to harvest and we will all benefit from a safer and more nurturing community.

Bob Carpenter can be reached at 828-252-0562 or bobc@ourvoicenc.org.