wanger radar
by jett black

I want to go public about a particular aspect of the male shadow.  You may know this aspect as the player, the predator, lust, or a strong libido. It is that aspect of the male psyche that sexually objectifies women (or men). I call it “wanger radar”. Sometimes urgent, sometimes casual, it is persistent, yet largely unmentioned.

Consider the couple sitting across from you in the restaurant: They are out for a shared meal when an attractive woman walks into the husband's field of view and his wanger radar locks on, his eyes follow, and within half a second he assesses whether the target woman is desireable or not, then his eyes are back on his wife. Their conversation will go on as if nothing happened. If the other woman is particularly attractive, his eyes may stay longer than the allowed half second. If so, the wife’s eyes will follow his to see who caught his eye and then she turns back to him. It all takes place within 3 seconds, and the conversation barely falters. Chances are good that neither one of them will ever mention it. However, if the husband’s gaze locks on for too long or shows a hint of lusting, then the wife will verbally or nonverbally "encourage" him to release the radar with The Look.

We Americans live within certain rules of civility, and the realm of wanger radar has been stuffed neatly into the shadow bag of our culture. I find it hysterical that such a driving force is largely overlooked.

When I was in Venice, the women dressed very attractively and smiled with pleasure when they noticed me ogling. There was no expectation that the encounter was ever going beyond an appreciative look, but we shared the complimentary pleasures of feeling attractive and feeling attracted.

While some women compulsively check men out, most only look a guy over if he has something really special going for him. I have occasionally noticed being the object of a woman’s radar, and watched her eyes look me up and down. It felt both flattering, and weird.

For a sizeable number of men, the wanger radar scans incessantly. Is it nature’s cruel joke that men are preoccupied 24/7 with the pleasure principle when it comes to sexual relations. Yet many women only feel sexy and turned-on when the circumstances are just right, or when they are ovulating. Women tend to be much more discriminating with sexual attraction. For men more sex is always better, and even great sex is only temporarily enough.

The incessant presence of wanger radar is why prostitution is largely a service industry for men. The pornography business earns enormous profits for charging their audience to watch people “get it on” for the camera. An audience mostly of men, and apparently a lot of them, are driven to pay up for the pleasure of watching.

Incessant wanger radar may have an evolutionary advantage. In many species the female will mate with multiple partners. In others, the drive to procreate will drive the males to battle it out for the right to mate with one female, or to accumulate a harem of females to impregnate. Women are usually looking for someone special. Only the best protector or provider will do. Many women dress and wear makeup to enhance their attractiveness. Makeup clearly is a sexual come hither signal. It mimics female arousal and orgasm, when the lips swell, the cheeks flush, and the skin around the eyes darkens. Wanger radar locks on and courtship ensues. How ironic, that some women dress to attract the wanger radar, and then look offended when someone’s radar locks on to them. Of course, if the radar belongs to a male with the right qualities, it’s OK or pleasurable.

I have discussed wanger radar with many of my male friends and most of them have a similar experience. Most men are constantly scanning and checking out the babes, but no one really talks about it. It stays in the shadow bag except in some ethnic grups, or subcultures, like the construction site or the bar scene.

Whenever I am in a public place, be it a crowd or an intimate gathering, wanger radar is scanning the environment for which women I may be interested in having a sexual encounter with. For me, it is incessant. Kind of like having a hovering gnat in your face that just won’t go away. I often consider seeing the world through the perspective of the one-eyed snake to be petty and pathetic. Here I am in my 58th year and it is still running.  I’ve tried repression, suppression, and serious self judgment, but the radar still scans.  Thanks to diminished testosterone, I’m no longer ‘driven.’ I am much more self-accepting, as the radar still scans.

Other Motives
Sometimes sexual attraction isn’t just about sex. Attraction can arise for satisfying other emotional needs for attention, companionship, validation, and affection. The wanger radar is just a means to open the door to other nourishing possibilities.

Sometimes the wanger radar locks on to those women who will recreate a painful pattern from our past. We can be attracted for all the wrong reasons. In an unconscious attempt to heal the past, we will be attracted to women who will manipulate us with their anger just like Mom used to do. Or criticize and judge us, just like Dad used to. Or betray us just like our first girl friend did back in junior high school. Men beware. Wanger radar can often serve more than our libidos.

The Objectification of Women
Actually, we often objectify every person that we are in relationship with. It is a characteristic of a mind that thinks it is separate from the rest of creation—the dream of separation, a myth. You know, my body and yours, my needs and yours, my mind and yours.

Women are more often objectified as sexual objects than men. Before my time there were pin up calendars, as a teen there was Playboy magazine (serious wanger radar fixation), then Penthouse, and now a profitable proliferation of every sort of pornography on the Internet. All of which contribute to viewing or demeaning women as sex objects. Of course, there are also magazines that offer pictures of Brad Pitt and the like for women.

Women were once worshiped and held in high esteem by the southern Europeans of 5,000 years ago. This culture held God as feminine. They were peace loving, agrarian, and used their time to worship the Goddess and to create great works of art. Then the Northern tribes, who were convinced that God was a male warrior, swept down into the South at harvest time and stole the crops, raped and plundered. Eventually the northerners stayed in the south and replaced a feminine loving Goddess with a warrior God.

In many eastern and middle-eastern cultures, women were treated like possessions. The wealthier the man was, the more women he could marry (own). As a result, women were only valued as long as they were seen as desirable by the husband. If their beauty or attractiveness waned, they were replaced. Thus the forbidden mentioning of a women’s age, and the infatuation with fashion, make-up and looking good. So women wear make-up to remain an attractive target to the wanger radar of men, or ‘the man.’

Boundaries and Affairs
I am not writing to suggest that we take our libidos out of the shadow bag and have endless serial sexual encounters. Sexual boundaries are appropriate. Sexual relationships usually involve emotional attachments, and the consequent transference and projection of our unfinished and unhealed business from the past. Everybody has a story. Managing the interface between just two stories requires energy and attention. For most of us, maintaining one healthy relationship is challenge enough. Having many sexual partners is eventually unsustainable.

Mind you, I have not had sexual relations with anyone but my wife for 25 years now. We have discussed this wanger radar phenomenon. She says: “Sure, it’s just eye candy. What’s wrong with that?” I say: “It’s not just for my eye; I am usually hopeful when I look.” However, so far, I have not "acted out". I don’t need or want to take on the complication of another story, thank you. My own is enough for now. I also don’t need any messes to clean up, but the wanger radar is still scanning, still hopeful. It’s so petty.

Wanger radar doesn’t give a hoot about propriety, sustainability, morality, or convenience.  Lust is a power to be reckoned with. Regardless of the superego’s warnings of impending complication and suffering, sex happens. Affairs happen.

So in writing about wanger radar, I hope I have taken it out of our shadow bag to shine some light on it. This is an invitation to bring wanger radar into playful acceptance as a powerful force that runs so many men. It’s a force that sets us up for delight, and sometimes for painful complication. Be on the lookout for it next time you are in a group of men and women. Watch for those furtive glances. Who is checking out whom? Is it subtle or blatant? Welcomed or spurned? Have fun watching or being watched.