your money story
by reeta bochner Wolfsohn, cmsw

We don’t see things as they are—we see things as we are. Anais Nin

Our individual life experiences color the lenses through which each of us views the world, our lives and our money.

What we have done, where we have been and whom we have known determines how friendly or unfriendly we consider the world to be, how much self-esteem and self-confidence we have and how emotionally stable and financially secure we feel.

Each of us has her own unique life story. A significant part of each story is financially based, whether we realize it or not. Part of every money story is driven by history and part is influenced by culture. Early chapters are based upon the childhood messages we received, or perceived, regarding our safety and security. The following ones are written by how we internalized and then actualized those messages.

How we feel about money, what we think about money and what we do with our money are complex personal issues. In a society where it is socially and politically incorrect to discuss personal financial problems, too often we choose simply to ignore them. This creates a pattern of reactive, rather than proactive, behavior that jeopardizes our emotional and financial well-being.

Previous chapters of our life stories cannot be rewritten but we do have editorial control over future ones. Improving your future money story begins by studying your past money story. When did it begin? What is your earliest money memory? Who talked about money to you? Who role modeled healthy financial behavior? What did you learn from those individuals? Who role modeled unhealthy financial behavior? What did you learn from them? What were the relationships in your life in which you sacrificed your own needs and wants? Who in your life gave you messages of your own competence and power? Who did not?

Your thoughts and attitudes about money are the foundation of your story and drive your behavior and your relationship with your money. Do you think of money as commitment, love, life or fear? Do you believe money symbolizes success, failure, deprivation, reward, truth, dependence, or independence? Do you consider money to represent prestige, recognition, achievement, greed or power?

Your current financial situation reflects your basic beliefs about the importance or lack of importance of money. If where you are is not where you want to be, think about the behaviors that those beliefs created and the outcomes they produced. If you want different outcomes in the future, start changing your behavior today.
Begin by thinking about what money really is. What can money do? What can’t money do? How much money do you need to create more emotional stability and financial security in your life? What are you willing to do to have more money? What are you not willing to do to have more money?

When you are clear on what money is and isn’t and on what it can do and can’t do you can view your financial situation more realistically and more optimistically. When you realign your thoughts and attitudes about money with your adult circumstances, rather than with the childhood circumstances that initiated them, you are more likely to create healthier financial outcomes. When you live your life based upon your values and your principles, you will be more centered, have more balance and harmony and increase the possibility of writing a money story with a “happily ever after…” ending.

It’s reassuring to know that I can control how I feel and what I do on any given day. The way I choose to see the world creates the world I see. ~ Joan Lunden.