the delafield family
by andie brymer

Jesse Delafield describes his mom Diane as a mother to all foster children. While the description may not be literally true, Diane did adopt him as a teen out of the foster care system and has created a non-profit agency that works to find families for children. She dreams of starting a camp for children involved in the foster care and adoption system.

Several years ago, Diane, then childless, developed the marketing strategy for a Children’s Home Society adoption campaign. She interviewed children living in foster care and group homes, writing and sharing their stories with potential families, listening as child after child talked of their desire for a home. Diane learned that many of these children have moved from foster home to foster home, sometimes packing their few belongings into a garbage bag. The more she heard, the deeper she got involved, traveling across the state interviewing and video taping children and working with communities to find homes. She formed the non-profit Campaigns for Kids to extend the project to Departments of Social Services statewide.

“It’s really important to listen to the kids,” she said.
Listening may sound simple but it can be painful. Children and teens would often tell her “I just want someone to love me, that’s all.”

When she brings the stories home, Jesse sometimes distracts her with a movie.
“She’s too compassionate. She’s so absorbed in it,” he said.

Five years ago, Jesse was one of the children Diane could not stop thinking about. While working on the first campaign, she met the 12-year-old. He, like most of the children, wanted to trade foster care for a permanent family.

“I’ll never forget interviewing Jesse. It was his heart I fell in love with,” she said.

After discovering he and his three brothers lived in different homes and facilities and rarely saw one another, Diane and then husband Jim Gensichen traded in their Ford Escort for a minivan. They began hosting cookouts at their home once a month for the four brothers. Diane grew closer to the boys, especially Jesse. He would visit for entire weekends. Had Diane plunged into parenting it may not have worked. Instead, she took it slowly.

“One small step leads to the next,” she said.

When Jesse’s foster mother died suddenly, Diane was ready to take the next step. Jesse came to live with the couple. He would stay until Diane could find a family for him.

She worked the phones, visited churches and told people she was looking for a home for Jesse. All the while, her heart told her she was his mom. Resistant, Diane came up with a list of reasons—Jesse was on the verge of being a teenager, he might be more comfortable in an African-American home, she was nearing 50 years old and had no experience as a parent.

Temporarily, logic won out. Diane found what she thought was the right family for Jesse. The night before he was to move into the new home, Jesse’s social worker called to say the placement fell through. Diane was shocked and relieved. Jesse was not surprised. Having been in foster care since age four, sudden changes were nothing new.

Jesse stayed on as a foster child for two years. On Feb. 9, 2001, he was officially adopted. Since that time, Diane has learned to be a mother and Jesse a son.

“When he is totally your responsibility, it changes everything. I questioned if I was wise enough, skilled enough, patient enough. There were many times of self doubt,” Diane said. “Nothing has prepared me to be a mother.”

She gave so much, Jesse says he had to encourage her to take time for herself.

“In the beginning she poured so much of herself into it. She was always tired. She was always there,” he said.

Diane wanted to create a sense of security for Jesse yet she realized he was a teenager who also needed to carve out his own identity. With issues like jobs, allowances, curfew and dating rules, she often checked with friends and family who were more experienced at parenting.

Television viewing is limited to movies on video cassette. Jesse only plays video games when friends bring a Play Station on visits. Jesse, who had always lived in Asheville, jokes with Diane that had he not been an avid reader, he would have had a hard time adjusting to life at the end of a dirt road along the Ivy River.

Last year Diane and Jesse had a more serious adjustment. She and Jim separated. Their divorce was final in March.

“I am adjusting to life as a single mom - even enjoying it. My relationship with Jesse is getting stronger and we are reinventing our roles as mother and son,” she said.

As Diane looks back at the marriage, she sees Jesse as one of the best parts of it.

“Our divorce had nothing to do with adopting Jesse. One of the best things that came from the marriage is Jesse. I probably would never have adopted a teenager as a single person,” she said.

Jesse gives Diane high marks as a mom.

“She pushes me to a higher level. She sees things in me I don’t see in myself,” he said.

The encouragement has paid off. During the last reporting period, Jesse, now 17, made all As and Bs on his report card. He is involved in theater. Most importantly, Jesse has learned trust and communication. He has gone from answering “fine” when asked about his day to giving his mom, in his words, a “play by play.”
Jesse says that while he was in foster care, he was confident that one day he would have a home. Today, he does. His bedroom walls reflect his taste, painted blue and red with a Spiderman poster carrying out the superhero theme. He takes care of the family dog, Spirit, and cats Bear and Rascal. His friends visit often.
Jesse’s three brothers were not so fortunate. All three have aged out of the foster care system without being adopted. They visit sometimes. Jesse says Diane is welcoming, even when his siblings appear rough on the outside.

Diane fears for the young men and others like them. She is familiar with the frightening statistics. Some predict up to 80 percent of foster children who are not adopted will end up incarcerated, addicted or homeless. To help with the problem, she hopes to start Ready, Set, Go Camp which would help prepare them for adulthood. After camp ends, an ongoing program would provide support. Ready, Set, Go would be part of the larger Camp Renewal. Diane envisions the camp offering programs which bring together siblings separated by adoption or foster care. A therapeutic daycare would serve preschool children who have been abused or neglected. Rejuvenation camp would help foster and adoptive families deal with burn out.

The camp will be an extension of Campaigns For Kids. Diane began the company in 1997 as Delafield Marketing/Campaigns For Kids. In 1999, it became Campaigns For Kids, which is a non-profit agency working solely with child welfare issues. For more information about Camp Renewal or CFK, visit www.campaignsforkids.com or call 828-251-9703. Contributions are tax deductible.

Andie Leatherman Brymer is new to magazine writing. She has worked as a newspaper reporter for almost four years. She lives in Lincoln County with her husband Joseph Brymer who is a photographer. She can be reached at josephandiebrymer@hotmail.com or PO Box 2037, Lincolnton, NC 28093.

Joseph Brymer is a freelance photojournalist. Previously, he has worked as a staff photographer for both daily and tri-weekly newspapers. He strives to shoot photos of the natural world that will encourage its preservation for future generations. He plans to travel to Africa in the near future to document disappearing cultures
Andie and Joseph Brymer worked together when she was a reporter at the Lincoln Times-News and he was the photographer. In fact, they worked together so much that they fell in love and were married in July. Soon after, we left the paper to freelance. This is our first freelance story done together for a magazine. We string for a small, local paper and are working on a story for the Farm Bureau Magazine on the Schiele Museum’s Backcountry Farm.