homeland security: getting gutsy
by lisa sarasohn and lisa garrett

Chances are you already know a woman who has been hurt—punched, kicked, jabbed, slammed, humiliated, raped—by her boyfriend or husband. Every fifth woman seeking medical help in a hospital’s emergency room bears injuries inflicted by the man of the house. One out of every three American women say they’ve been subject to what’s soberly termed domestic violence.
By the time you finish reading this article, twenty more women in this country will have been battered by the man at home. By the time you go to bed this evening, three more women in this country will have been murdered by their intimate partner.

As the sensation surrounding the murder of Laci Peterson subsides, we’re left with this grim fact: of all the women murdered in this country, nearly half are killed by the man for whom they have cooked and cleaned and with whom they have shared their bed.

“Homeland security”? Too many of us have been living with terrorists.
Domestic violence is a crime against a woman’s body and soul. The abuser uses physical force and emotional intimidation to overwhelm his partner with uncertainty and fear. He assumes power and takes control. He crushes her spirit. He holds her hostage.

A woman who is the target of domestic violence ekes out survival for herself and her children in the midst of constant danger. Like a hostage, like a prisoner of war, she displays the symptoms of stress and anxiety disorders. To avoid registering the pain of the torture, she disconnects from body, mind, and emotions. Unable to see a safe way either to fight back or to escape, she freezes in place.

A woman living with an enemy combatant lives with unending stress. She’s in a state of hypervigilance, easily startled, always on edge. She’s constantly on the lookout for signs of an impending attack, walking on eggshells lest she trigger her partner’s murderous rage. Her heart races, she has difficulty sleeping. Her bruises and broken bones visibly mark the abuse she suffers. Her difficulty concentrating, dizziness, headaches, and stomach aches signal other ways in which her body and mind are becoming casualties.

The injuries go deep. Living with an intimate partner’s violence can actually change a woman’s brain and her endocrine system, exhausting her physical capacity for being present, feeling pleasure, looking forward to the future. Many battered women "self-medicate” with alcohol and drugs to relieve their stress and psychological pain.

In posture, gesture, way of walking, an abused woman’s body says, “Please don’t hurt me.” Living amid threats to her life, she contracts. Withdrawing, her shoulders may round protectively, her head may bow. Her range of movement decreases, her body takes up less and less space, she diminishes herself. Her gestures are measured, restricted—there’s no safety in being spontaneous or expansive.

A woman living with domestic violence is living with contradiction. The man who she thinks she loves, the man who she hopes loves her, is hurting her. She manages to survive the abuse and the contradiction by disconnecting from her physical and emotional experience. She may ignore or deny what she knows to be true. She may feel unreal, as if who she is happens somewhere outside her body. She may feel empty, numb, unable to relate to others. She may feel hopeless, worthless, purposeless.

Why doesn’t a woman fight back? Why doesn’t she leave? Yes, our bodies are wired to respond to life-threatening situations with fight-or-flight—the natural expression of our instinct to survive.

But when the battleground is a woman’s home and her children’s shelter, flight is not an obvious option. When her partner has superior strength; access to knives and guns; and control over money, transportation, and the telephone, fighting back is not an obvious option. If a woman can’t fight back or leave safely, she’s trapped. She freezes, stifling her fight-or-flight impulse.
This is the greatest injury: domestic violence damages a woman’s instinct for self-preservation—her core sense of self, her soul. Disempowered in her own dwelling, she’s displaced from her center of being.

With all the seeming hopelessness of domestic violence, some women do find a safe way to leave and make new, healthy lives for themselves and their children. In Asheville and Buncombe County, agencies such as Helpmate and Interlace are helping them do so.

What do women need to prevent, survive, and heal from domestic violence? I posed that question recently to Helpmate staff.

Courage. Patience. Endurance. Humor. Creativity. Determination. Persistence. The ability to think clearly. Self-respect. These are some of the qualities women need.

In a word, to survive and move beyond domestic violence, we need to be gutsy. We need to reclaim our sense of self, refresh our self-esteem, renew our sense of purpose. We need to restore our instinct for self-preservation.
How do we get gutsy?Courage, confidence, creativity, sense of self, the instinct for self-preservation—they’re qualities of the soul. They’re qualities that live in the body, expressions of the core life force that’s focused in the body’s center. We can develop these qualities by recharging the body’s center, this “energy battery,” with movement, breath, and compassionate awareness.

Helpmate, in partnership with the YWCA and other community organizations, is sponsoring The Gutsy Women’s Workout for women in Asheville and Buncombe County. In weekly classes, women learn dynamic stretches and breathing exercises that build core strength and turn stress into instant energy. It’s an exercise in self-respect that restores our gut instincts and develops the soul-power women need to live with courage, confidence, and creativity.

What are women saying about The Gutsy Women’s Workout?

“It integrates body, mind, and emotions, and gives them a heart,” reflects one survivor of domestic abuse. “It gives me a sense of stability when I’m going through so much. This is a way to be with my body in a gentle and allowing way, connecting in with myself internally and externally.”

Women remark that the Workout is both grounding and empowering. “Working from my core is my most powerful self-defense,” says one. “It’s all inside,” says another, “Through movement and breath I’m tapping into my inner strength.” Still another woman notes, “The energizing moves build the power within me. Now I can act with clarity from my inner wisdom.”

Lisa Garrett, M.A, a somatic educator leading one of Helpmate’s support groups, adds: “Some movements are self-soothing, even meditative. Others are energizing and self-protective. For the courageous women ready to experience their power from the inside out, this program has much to offer. This workout can be very inspiring to women who have experienced intimate partner abuse because it begins with the most natural of all movements, the breath, and builds from there.”

Getting gutsy, we’re coming home to ourselves.

[ gutsywomensworkout.org; info@gutsywomensworkout.org ] To contact Helpmate call 828-254-2968 (crisis line: 828-254-0516) or visit helpmateonline.org.

 

Lisa Sarasohn is project director for The Gutsy Women’s Workout. She draws on more than 20 years’ experience guiding women to love our bodies and ourselves. A Kripalu Yoga teacher certified at the advanced level, she’s author of The Woman’s Belly Book: Finding Your Treasure Within.

Lisa Garrett is a somatic educator affiliated with Helpmate. She’s in the process of developing a private practice in body-mind psychotherapy.