my ultimate sexual fantasy
by cheri britton

It is a cool spring evening, the kind of crisp night that requires a light sweater but little else. The sun is just beginning to set and there is the lingering fragrance of emerging grass, fresh birdseed, and the promise of warmer days to come. I drive up to the house and park the car on the side of the road. There is evidence that someone is in the house…waiting…but the shades are drawn. Tiny slivers of light shine out from the window sills and I catch my breath. I become aware that I have been breathing short and empty and I make an effort to calm the churning butterflies that have just been released from their chrysalis.

I emerge from my car. “Should I take my bag into the house or should I leave it here?” I ask myself. I stop to consider the question then reach for the tote with a burst of energy that is foreign yet familiar.

walk toward the house with an air of self assuredness, at least that is my hope. I want to be fearless. I want to be confident. I want to act like the mature woman I think I am. I keep hearing the words, “Face first what you fear most,” over and over in my head. Despite my mantra, I feel abashed and rattled. I step onto the porch and finally I’m at the door. The moment that I envisioned many times is here...then I enter.
There before me are 15 or so women, and it’s like looking into a mirror. Each of us has the expression of a giddy 12 year old trying to display some dignity as an adult. Then the party starts and we begin…

What is this you ask? It’s a sex party. Not the kind of party where people actually have sex, but rather the kind where ideas are shared, questions are asked and advice is given; a gathering where women talk about sex. In my fantasy, I gather with women, straight, lesbian or bi-sexual, married or not, young and old and we talk about sex. And I don’t mean the watered down version of talking where sex is eluded too but is still left in the closet. Nor the kind of talk that whines, “My partner wants it all the time...blah blah blah, gripe gripe, gripe...” No, this is a party where women get down and dirty, no pun intended, and share.

Share what you may ask? We would share our thoughts about our bodies, about masturbation, about intercourse, about positions; about erotica…the sky’s the limit. We would even have “show and tell"—the kind of show and tell where people bring objects from home to share with the group. Each woman would be encouraged to bring her own personal accoutrements.

Accoutrements!! What are you talking about now?!? You know, the “things” that typically stay out of sight, for many women, tucked away for those quiets moments alone or in companionship. Those items that may enhance, or intensify, or heighten, or reinforce, or adorn or augment or beautify or facilitate nature’s gift of pleasure. It’s my guess that there are many women who have discovered the pleasures of sex toys and erotica and probably equally as many who are frightened of them (or at least don’t know how or where to buy them.) At this party, real women would tell about their real experiences with their toys. What a marvelous sight. They would share the hows, the whys, and the wheres. It would be just like a Tupperware party!

YIKES! you say!!! “You want to sit around a room with other women and talk about those private moments?” Yes I do, yes indeed. Where else can we learn what’s out there? Where else can you get the scoop? I’ve taught sexuality education for 20 years, I’ve been around the block a few times, I’ve read some books, even seen some movies and I STILL don’t think I’ve been getting the real picture on all matters sexual. As a sexuality educator I’ve been asked many questions. For example, “Do most women have an orgasm with intercourse?” or “This whole oral sex thing confuses me. What am I doing wrong?” These questions highlight to me a desire to feel “normal”. .
When it comes to sex, what is normal anyway?  Women (and men I’m sure) feel like they must have all the answers about sex. It's my opinion that the questions aren’t being asked because of a fear of embarrassment or of being judged.  In my fantasy we would have an understanding that asking a question doesn’t mean you want to know for personal reasons. But even if you did have personal reasons for asking, SO WHAT! One of the benefits of gathering in a safe place with other women would be to feel comforted that we are in good company and we don’t have to have all the answers. After all, where can we go for answers—the movies?

Not in my opinion. Movies can be a fabulous way to stimulate your sexual appetite but they often do little to honestly educate.. The mainstream movies that are out there have a lot sexual innuendo but they are usually wrapped in stereotypes that I’d rather pass on. I remember wondering when I was a kid, “Will I remember to turn on background music when I have sex?” Clearly, it painted a distorted picture for me. And then there are erotic and pornographic movies. No real place for advice if you ask me. I mean, lets get real. I can’t remember having a tawdry excursion with the photocopy repair man or the pizza delivery boy. That stuff just doesn’t happen… to me anyway. Those movies often leave me wondering two things, “Is she really excited or is she just thinking about that pay check?” (Then inevitably I can’t help but wonder, “What does her mother think of this?”)

Then there are books. The vast majority are so clinical it makes me want to reconsider the whole sex thing altogether. Honestly, I really can’t envision myself sitting down with C Everett Koop to discuss my sex life. Can you?

There are some excellent books out there…quite an improvement in the last years…but it’s still not the same. When reading these books, I’m still left scratching my head and wondering, “Are you pulling my leg? Can you really do that!?” or in some cases, “I need to have my leg pulled?! Are you sure?” So, as valuable as books can be to me, I still feel the desire to talk about these issues with real women.

After all, let’s look at every other issue where women need advice. We call our friends for advice when we can’t get our kid potty trained, or when we want to know how to make a turkey to feed twelve, or when we need the name of a good dentist. Why should this be any different? It shouldn’t. Frankly, my friends have never steered me wrong.

o there is my sexual fantasy (or at least one of them). I would love to be in a gathering of women, all kinds of women, with the purpose of talking about sex. I would want to hear their stories, their experiences, hear about erotica they like, openly ask questions, and even talk about sex toys. I envision an evening of levity balanced with seriousness that would result in some very empowered women. Empowered women who could fully express their sexuality. Pretty nice, huh?

Cheri Britton, M.Ed is a professional speaker, trainer and consultant. She is a catalyst for individuals and organizations who want renewed energy for their work, improved personal performance, and quality client encounters. She partners with businesses to bring them practical and creative ideas that will unlock their potential and propel them successfully forward. She lives in Asheville with her husband, two kids and two dogs. Learn more about Cheri at cheribritton.com.