ultimate sexual fantasy
by cheri britton
is a cool spring evening, the kind of crisp night that requires a light
sweater but little else. The sun is just beginning to set and there
is the lingering fragrance of emerging grass, fresh birdseed, and the
promise of warmer days to come. I drive up to the house and park the
car on the side of the road. There is evidence that someone is in the
but the shades are drawn. Tiny slivers of light
shine out from the window sills and I catch my breath. I become aware
that I have been breathing short and empty and I make an effort to calm
the churning butterflies that have just been released from their chrysalis.
emerge from my car. Should I take my bag into the house or should
I leave it here? I ask myself. I stop to consider the question
then reach for the tote with a burst of energy that is foreign yet familiar.
toward the house with an air of self assuredness, at least that is my
hope. I want to be fearless. I want to be confident. I want to act like
the mature woman I think I am. I keep hearing the words, Face
first what you fear most, over and over in my head. Despite my
mantra, I feel abashed and rattled. I step onto the porch and finally
Im at the door. The moment that I envisioned many times is here...then
There before me are 15 or so women, and its like looking into
a mirror. Each of us has the expression of a giddy 12 year old trying
to display some dignity as an adult. Then the party starts and we begin
is this you ask? Its a sex party. Not the kind of party where
people actually have sex, but rather the kind where ideas are shared,
questions are asked and advice is given; a gathering where women talk
about sex. In my fantasy, I gather with women, straight, lesbian or
bi-sexual, married or not, young and old and we talk about sex. And
I dont mean the watered down version of talking where sex is eluded
too but is still left in the closet. Nor the kind of talk that whines,
My partner wants it all the time...blah blah blah, gripe gripe,
gripe... No, this is a party where women get down and dirty, no
pun intended, and share.
what you may ask? We would share our thoughts about our bodies, about
masturbation, about intercourse, about positions; about erotica
skys the limit. We would even have show and tell"the
kind of show and tell where people bring objects from home to share
with the group. Each woman would be encouraged to bring her own personal
What are you talking about now?!? You know, the things that
typically stay out of sight, for many women, tucked away for those quiets
moments alone or in companionship. Those items that may enhance, or
intensify, or heighten, or reinforce, or adorn or augment or beautify
or facilitate natures gift of pleasure. Its my guess that
there are many women who have discovered the pleasures of sex toys and
erotica and probably equally as many who are frightened of them (or
at least dont know how or where to buy them.) At this party, real
women would tell about their real experiences with their toys.
What a marvelous sight. They would share the hows, the whys, and the
wheres. It would be just like a Tupperware party!
you say!!! You want to sit around a room with other women and
talk about those private moments? Yes I do, yes indeed. Where
else can we learn whats out there? Where else can you get
the scoop? Ive taught sexuality education for 20 years, Ive
been around the block a few times, Ive read some books, even seen
some movies and I STILL dont think Ive been getting the
real picture on all matters sexual. As a sexuality educator Ive
been asked many questions. For example, Do most women have an
orgasm with intercourse? or This whole oral sex thing confuses
me. What am I doing wrong? These questions highlight to me a desire
to feel normal. .
When it comes to sex, what is normal anyway? Women (and men Im
sure) feel like they must have all the answers about sex. It's my opinion
that the questions arent being asked because of
a fear of embarrassment or of being judged. In my fantasy
we would have an understanding that asking a question doesnt
mean you want to know for personal reasons. But even if you did have
personal reasons for asking, SO WHAT! One of the benefits of gathering
in a safe place with other women would be to feel comforted that we
are in good company and we dont have to have all the answers.
After all, where can we go for answersthe movies?
in my opinion. Movies can be a fabulous way to stimulate your sexual
appetite but they often do little to honestly educate.. The mainstream
movies that are out there have a lot sexual innuendo but
they are usually wrapped in stereotypes that Id rather pass on.
I remember wondering when I was a kid, Will I remember to
turn on background music when I have sex? Clearly, it painted
a distorted picture for me. And then there are erotic and pornographic
movies. No real place for advice if you ask me. I mean, lets get real.
I cant remember having a tawdry excursion with the photocopy repair
man or the pizza delivery boy. That stuff just doesnt happen
to me anyway. Those movies often leave me wondering two things, Is
she really excited or is she just thinking about that pay check?
(Then inevitably I cant help but wonder, What does her mother
think of this?)
there are books. The vast majority are so clinical it makes me want
to reconsider the whole sex thing altogether. Honestly, I really cant
envision myself sitting down with C Everett Koop to discuss my sex life.
There are some excellent books out there
quite an improvement in
the last years
but its still not the same. When reading these
books, Im still left scratching my head and wondering, Are
you pulling my leg? Can you really do that!? or in some cases,
I need to have my leg pulled?! Are you sure? So, as valuable
as books can be to me, I still feel the desire to talk about these issues
with real women.
all, lets look at every other issue where women need advice. We
call our friends for advice when we cant get our kid potty trained,
or when we want to know how to make a turkey to feed twelve, or when
we need the name of a good dentist. Why should this be any different?
It shouldnt. Frankly, my friends have never steered me wrong.
there is my sexual fantasy (or at least one of them). I would love to
be in a gathering of women, all kinds of women, with the purpose of
talking about sex. I would want to hear their stories, their experiences,
hear about erotica they like, openly ask questions, and even talk about
sex toys. I envision an evening of levity balanced with seriousness
that would result in some very empowered women. Empowered women who
could fully express their sexuality. Pretty nice, huh?
M.Ed is a professional speaker, trainer and consultant. She is a catalyst
for individuals and organizations who want renewed energy for their
work, improved personal performance, and quality client encounters.
She partners with businesses to bring them practical and creative ideas
that will unlock their potential and propel them successfully forward.
She lives in Asheville with her husband, two kids and two dogs. Learn
more about Cheri at cheribritton.com.