the paradox of aging
by kelle olwyler

“A force to be reckoned with.” That’s what the 55 and older group is often called in today’s magazines, news articles, and on the 6 o’clock news. Over 56 million strong according to the 2000 census, and with some pretty strong buying power, our nations “elders” are effecting health care, politics, marketing, entertainment, travel, fashion and education, to say the least. Women alone make up 31 million of that number (which could, ladies, if we put our mind to it, give us some real political clout).

While the US Census Bureau categorizes people into 55 and older, society insists that when you’ve hit 50, you automatically fall into that “older group.” Not that this is a bad thing. Life really is different after 50, paradoxical in fact. Fortunately for us, by then we’ve developed a well-rounded sense of humor to help us complete the journey to our destiny that began at birth. It’s still the same road, but the terrain has certainly changed, and we’ve learned a lot more about navigation.

Being the incurable snoop that I am, I can’t help but ask people what they think, feel and have done in their lives, When I ask whether someone would go back, do it all over again, I typically hear, “I worked hard to get here!” and “ I wouldn’t go back if you paid me!” When I ask, “What’s different than how it was?” there is a common thread that runs through the answers. What most pleases me-- the paradox queen (also over 50) – is that everything points to a willingness to embrace the concept of paradox; we have learned through first-hand experience that life is not consistent, and that seeming contradictions can live side by side happily and fruitfully. These are the paradoxes people who fall into the over-50 group most consistently speak of:

We more easily follow our hearts desire without transgressing the boundaries of right (Confucius); translated, it means we know how to be more ourselves while drawing less unwanted attention and minimally disturbing others.

We have more autonomy to do whatever we want, but we spend less time needing to do it. We generally have more money to spend, but desire less to spend it. We have more knowledge, but are more willing to share the balance of power. We tend to rest in reason, and move in passion (The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran), whereas the younger tend to want to move with passion at the expense of reason.
We are more able to experience grief, while simultaneously watching it with serenity. We are more likely know our own truth, and more likely to understand that there are many more truths than our own.
We live more in the moment, and less in regret. We may still want others to change, but have had enough experience to keep our mouths shut and allow others to learn from their own mistakes-- or not.
While aging has always been a privilege, it is now also a right. We have the capability of mastering systems, organizations and social structures, while we more often than not choose to minimize complexity.

And sadly,
As we grow older . . . we shrink!

We have more time to take care of our bodies, but our bodies are respond with less finesse.
We know what we like, but it isn’t always good for us. We want to be in meaningful relationships, but require more of our friendships than we ever did and are less willing to be flexible.

To paraphrase Homer, and all of us who are over the 50-year mark would most likely agree, “Always it is, that the hearts in the younger women are frivolous, but when an elder woman is among them, they see behind and in front through her wise eyes.”

Kelle Olwyler is President of Kel Bergan Consulting, a management consulting and executive coaching company specializing in helping professionals, executives and teams get results that solve problems and support transformation. kelle@kelbergan.com.