girls just wanna have fun
by lisa horak

Imagine this: your women’s reading group is getting together tonight. You are particularly pleased with yourself because you stayed up late to finish the book despite the fact that it really didn’t hold your interest. You are anxious to hear if your peers felt the same way. And when you get to the meeting, the discussion lasts for approximately six minutes. Then everyone gravitates to the snacks in the next room. Ah, the heck with the book. Just being out with girlfriends is a well-deserved treat.

In Western North Carolina, like all across the country, women are gathering in groups large and small and under every conceivable pretext. This is not a new phenomenon. Yesterday’s mahjong, bridge, and coffee klatches have been replaced by reading groups and Bunco games, drumming circles and stitch-and-bitch sessions, women’s dart playing and good old fashioned Ladies Nights Out. It seems clear that despite everything going on in our lives that girls just want to have fun.

Fun. It’s that simple. No bigger agenda than that, no loftier goal, simply the pursuit of camaraderie, laughter, and dare I suggest hilarity.

No matter how successful or gratifying our lives are, we need our female friends. Women today are working in every profession imaginable. We are writers and doctors and lawyers and ministers and artists and engineers—you name it, women are doing it. We are matching our male counterparts in most sports, from women’s basketball, soccer, and tennis to female football teams like the Asheville Assault. In addition, we are wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, caregivers, and friends. The busy-ness and business of our everyday life often require that family and jobs come before our social lives. Nurturing our social sides is often relegated to the bottom of our list of priorities. But watch out—all that pent up need for socialization must come out sooner or later.

When I say ‘girls’ just want to have fun, I mean, of course, girls and women of all ages. Chief among fun-loving groups are the ladies over fifty who belong to the Red Hat Society, named for the line in Jenny Joseph’s inspirational poem “Warning” that reads, ‘When I am an old woman I shall wear purple with a red hat which doesn’t do, and doesn’t suit me.’ Red Hatters get together simply to be silly, to wear red hats and purple outfits out in public—yes, in public—and celebrate their inner child. Asheville has several chapters of the Red Hat Society. The chapter based at the Deerfield Retirement Center is some 50 women strong. Alma Zurga, 85 years young, is the Queen Mother, as the chapter leader is called. “Our group goes on bus trips to such places as the Grove Arcade, the Folk Art Center, and Harrah’s Casino,” says Alma. “Everywhere we go heads turn and eyebrows raise and people smile. We spread lightheartedness.”

Another Red Hat Society chapter is called the Mountain Word Sprites and includes writers Joan Medlicott and Celia Miles, whose writings appear in this magazine. “The purpose of the group is to have no purpose,” says Joan. “It’s just pleasant to spend time with compatible people. It’s almost like a sorority. It’s a way to expand your circle of friends.”

“People want to belong to something,” adds Celia. “There is nothing like female friendships. We feel comfortable with each other. It’s good to be with people who don’t take themselves too seriously.”

The benefits of single-sex social groups mirror the arguments for single sex education, namely a less competitive environment and a less judgmental atmosphere, free of sexual tension and the need to impress others.

Many social groups are thematic, like reading groups, but are still thinly veiled excuses for social interaction between like-minded women. One example is the simple dice game Bunco which is sweeping the country. No skill is required—indeed so little attention is needed that women can play and socialize simultaneously. That’s the beauty of it. It’s just a fun, stress-free way to spend time with friends.—

In Mars Hill, a group of women used to gather twice a month to participate in a drumming circle. The women would teach each other ancient West African rhythms that would escalate from a slow patter to a heightened, frenzied crescendo before the woman stopped, exhilarated and satisfied, for the other part of the evening: the breaking of bread and easy conversation. Participant Ann Heck puts it simply, “The drumming was healing. I would arrive feeling exhausted and I’d leave energized.”

In the absence of a theme, a specific location or neighborhood can provide a social outlet. Patti Williams organizes Ladies Nights Out for her South Asheville subdivision. “There are a lot of mothers with young children here. Being home with them is largely solitary,” she says. “You do the same thankless tasks again and again and sometimes you need to get out of that environment. When we get together we can complain and we know our female friends will listen. It’s also a chance to be who we used to be before we became “Mommy.”

According to Tracey Rizzo, Women’s Studies Program Director at UNC-Asheville, women’s groups are about much more than fun. “It’s a survival tactic in a patriarchal system. As long as we live in a male-dominated society it is necessary to have women-only groups,” she says. “But,” she qualifies, “we also need to be diverse as women and recognize the many differences among us as women, and not just focus exclusively on gender differences.”

Whether hiking, throwing darts or knitting together at a stitch-and-bitch group, being among other women is liberating and refreshing. And then we happily return to the co-ed real world of men and children, colleagues and clients. But we can do so with a secret inside. A secret that says, “I am part of something larger than myself. I am a woman, strong and powerful, and there is safety and joy in our numbers.”

So if you are part of a group that would welcome some additional women seeking— and in some cases craving—female companionship, let us know. Send an email to girlswanna@wnc-woman.com and we’ll publish them here next month. In the meantime, check out Mountain Express, which lists a bunch of groups that are open to new members.

Lisa Horak is a stay-at-home mom who greatly misses time with her girlfriends. She has very high phone bills and has taken to watching “Sex and the City” to live vicariously through women who still find time to eat, drink, and party together despite their busy lives. [ lisa@wnc-woman.com ]