i know where i’m going. don’t you want to come too?
by danny (danielle) bernstein

I grew up in New York City, so I turned seventeen without any expectations of ever learning how to drive. When I married and moved away, I needed to drive. Driving was easy; finding my way was difficult. For years, as I traveled, I used up a lot of energy finding my way around and learning the relationship between places. I was not confident enough to feel I was going the right way: I had to know it. Similarly, as I gained hiking experience, I wanted to lead hikes, not just follow the leader. Finding my own way meant just that: getting from A to B by myself.

At some point, I decided to learn route-finding logically and not by osmosis. Some say that it is a gender thing, that men naturally know where they are going. A lot of our good tax money is going into research grants to prove that spatial ability is gender-related: to put it more directly, to show that women have poorer spatial ability than men. The theory is that because men evolved as hunters, they have tunnel vision and women have wider peripheral vision. The result is that women can’t read maps, can’t navigate on the road or on the trail, have poorer math scores and have lower paying jobs. (The number of math courses taken in high school is the best predictor of income 10 years after high school—but I digress.)

I will not take the time to argue with this research because I know that route finding is a learned skill. Like any skill, some people need to make more of an effort to acquire it than others. However, being able to find the way across town or across the world on our own is a necessary part of building self-confidence and using that self-confidence. If you want to give someone the gift of self-confidence, give a map, a compass and time to explore.

Here are some practical ways that I have used to learn how to find my way confidently, on and off the road.

1 Always know where you are starting from before you decide where you are going. It may sound obvious but many people don’t know if they live north or south of a major highway, how to enter a highway in either direction and what the official directions are. For example, the Blue Ridge Parkway is designated a North/South road, even if in much of Western North Carolina, it goes East/West. The Mountain to the Sea trail is an East/West trail, even if it goes North South in some places.

2 Buy two copies of each map you will need, one to put in the car or daypack and one to leave at home. You will need a state map, a map of your city and a map of your neighborhood, if available. Plan your route at home where you don’t have any time pressures. Deciding your itinerary as you get into the car or at the trailhead just increases stress and depletes your confidence. I like to write out my directions on the computer and print it out in a large font so I can follow them while driving or navigating in the woods. When I come back home, I may make changes or enhancements to the directions. Don’t be embarrassed to put down “turn left at the white church” or “go uphill after the large rock pile on the right”. These are your directions!

3 It becomes harder to learn route finding when you are with others. Be wary of distracters, of people who constantly say “Are you sure you know where you are going?” The answer is “Yes, of course”. As a woman, you are always going to be questioned. So stand your ground. Worse are helpful people who say “I know a better or shorter way.” Most of the time, they do not know and will not take responsibility to get you there if the group gets lost. On the road, the person who drives is ultimately the leader unless a designated navigator is chosen. If you are walking or riding, there is always an implicit or explicit leader. Make it explicit!

4 Always know where you are. Follow your progress on the map or written instructions. It is easier to backtrack when you start having doubts about your location than to figure out what to do after you are so lost that you do not have a clue. Pull over and say “I am going to check the map”.

5 Don’t confuse the map with the territory! I learned that wise saying in a college class that had nothing to do with real route finding. (College would never teach anything as practical as map and compass skills!) Realize that directions and maps are written by people and may be imprecise. The directions may not have been checked out, the map may not be to scale or an important landmark might have vanished. This is when we need real confidence: the confidence to say “I know where I am going”.

6 Be wary of directions by locals. The most unconstructive thing you can do is shove a map at a passerby and ask them for directions. Most people do not know how to read a map or cannot read without their reading glasses, but will try to be helpful. Let them help you orient yourself by asking the name of the road or directions to landmarks they might know. Watch their arm movements as they say “left” or “right”. Sometimes the body goes left while they say “right”. Ask for one way to go, not “you could go this way or that way”. If you are not familiar with an area, you want the easiest, simplest way, which is not necessarily the fastest or shortest. “Where things used to be” is not helpful, if they are not here now.

7 If someone is giving you instruction to their house or business, always get the actual address first. Everyone has a physical address; every road has a name and sometimes a number. You may get your mail at the post office but the telephone company has your real address.

And last, it is OK to get lost. When I go some place new, I always leave extra time to get lost. I think of it as exploration time. Men get lost also; they just take longer to get back on track because they don’t ask for directions.

Danny (Danielle) Bernstein is the director of Hiker to Hiker, a non-profit hiking organization. She retired from college teaching and organizes and leads day hikes and vacation trips in the Southern Appalachians. For more details, see hikertohiker.org or email at danny@hikertohiker.org.